A bit of light-humour borrowed from various sources. If you have some that tickles your bones, drop me a line and we will see if we have room left .
..... click here > for the joke submission form.
Submitted by Martha from the Empire Group
Proof That A Dog Is Man's best friend.........
The dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you ???
Submitted by Ed S. of the Tuesday North Group
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
Carolyn C. - Beginner's Group was checking her pet's Diary
One Day of the Dog's Diary Reads:
8:00 am Oh boy! ........ dog food, my favourite!
9:30 am Wow! ........ a car ride, this is a blast!
9:40 am A walk in the park ...... hot damm!
10:30 am Getting rubbed and petted ..... I'm in love!
12:00 pm Lunch! ... Yummy!
1:00 pm Playing in the yard! ...... I just love it!
4:00 pm Hooray! ... the kids are home! .... I am bouncing off the walls!
5:00 pm Milkbones! .... what a great treat!
7:00 pm I get to pay ball ... this is too good to be true!
8:00 pm Wow! .. watching TV with my master ... heavenly!
11:00 pm Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed ... Life is Great!
The Same Day of the Cat's Diary Reads:
Day 683 of my captivity; my captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I and the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat some- thing in order to keep up my strength. In that way I shall be ready to flee at the first opportunity that presents itself. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the occasional piece of furniture).
In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience, I shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover of darkness. Many of my efforts to wear down my oppressors are not going according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe, I'll start vomiting in their shoes and/or beds.
Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. ... the audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies" I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around her feet as she was walking by. I must try this tomorrow ...... but at the top of the stairs.
Old habits are hard to break:
There was a group of AA members driving to a conference in a distant city. About halfway there, they stopped for a coffee break. The restaurant was near a botanical garden, and they decided to walk around there to stretch their legs before going on. As they admired the beautiful beds of flowers, a sweet little old women approached them and asked, "Are you members of the Wild Life Society?"
"No"ma'dam".. answered one. We used to be, but then we joined AA
Both Al-Anon & AA members go to any length to prove a point:
Fed up with her husband' coming home drunk every night, late one evening the wife drove her husband up the mountain to an overlook where they could see the local liquor factory in full swing below. Lights were flashing, machines were roaring, and trucks were pulling in and out.
"See!".... the wife said pointedly to her spouse. "They can make if faster than you can drink it"
"Yes!"... he replied, "But you have to admit, I've got 'em working nights to keep up".
Mark up another one for those Al-Anons
A women called the Al-Anon Hotline and said, "My husband just finished off a 40 pounder of vodka, passed out, and fell flat on the floor. I can't wake him ... and I think he is dead".
The Al-Anon on duty tried to reassure her, saying in a calm, soothing voice, "Don' get excited. First, let' make sure that he's dead".
There was a half-minute of silence, a gunshot was heard, then the wife's voice, "Okay what do I do next ?"
You are probably and Alcoholic if:
a) Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
b) You believe that alcohol is the elusive 5th Food Group
c) You have named your sons Barley and Hops.
You have named your daughters Sherry and Brandy
You have named your pets Whiskey and Jack Daniel
Stay tuned for more humour .... as I will be adding to these pages as they come in ...... don' forget, if you have some thing, send it to get publish ( family content only )
If you need more rib-tickling laughs go to next page